This is a powerful post from one of my favorite bloggers! They are sound words to live by.
Protest
Great poem about finding freedom from abuse and finding strength and resolve.
Write a new post in response today’s word ‘Protest’
Her tender arms
Could not resist
The brutal force
Of animal instinct
The lecherous look
Of a trusted relative
Scared her to death
Beneath the sheets
Gagged by social stigmas
No one dared speak
A silent protest
Wearily fell asleep
The morning sun breathed hope
And a new resolve
She would be slave no more
To a heartless enemy
A new strength, A new voice
A freedom, A choice
Wiping tears of self-pity
She crushed fake loyalties
A silent protest became a storm
Truth had gathered an army
Of brave soldiers
A leader was born!
© copyright skm 8th Dec 2016
Other interesting posts in this category:
1) https://unravelingtheheart.wordpress.com/2016/12/07/healthy-protest/
2) https://pryvateparts.com/2016/12/07/brittle/
3) https://authoranonblog.wordpress.com/2016/12/08/736/
4) https://plaridel.wordpress.com/2010/03/05/from-gandhi-to-sharmila/
5) https://shwetaspree.com/2016/12/07/daily-prompt-protest/
6) http://dippingintotheheart.com/prevent-injustice/#sthash.3MuEJKLq.dpbs
7) https://sasha1010blog.wordpress.com/2016/12/08/what-is-life/
8) https://msethi272.wordpress.com/2016/12/08/protest/
9) https://keerthanagaganna.com/2016/12/07/protest/
10) https://dinamicdynasty.wordpress.com/2016/12/07/daily-prompt-protest/
Broken… but Now Stonger
This is an amazing poem about enduring struggles through Jesus’ strength.
So many have been broken…
but are now stronger than they know…
for they have endured the suffering…
though most wounds don’t even show.
And they have gotten stronger…
with the struggles they’ve overcome…
for with perseverance they’ve been equipped…
for whatever in the future is to come.
View original post 195 more words
https://secretangelps911.wordpress.com/2016/11/28/broken-but-now-stonger/
https://secretangelps911.wordpress.com/2016/11/28/broken-but-now-stonger/
Caterpillar to Butterfly: From Victim to Victorious
I love this post from one of my amazing blogger friends. It is such a beautiful accounting of the thoughts of the abused.
From victim to victorious…
are the words that came to me…
as I looked at this picture…
and the transformation we can see.
For wanting to fly away…
is actually a common thought…
as many have wanted to escape…
from the battles being fought.
For victims are victimized…
and made to feel so low…
as they endure many abuses…
that most don’t even know.
And though some actually crawl…
on egg shells most walk…
for many have been beaten…
but all have suffered abusive talk.
For attack after attack…
just beats us down more…
as fear and brokenness increases…
with the abuses we deplore.
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I have a new address for my blog. www.dippingintotheheart.com
I would love for those who have subscribed to my blog at this address to jump over to my new site and follow there so you can get the newest posts and so we can reconnect again!
~ Joanna Lynn
From the Mountaintop
During my life, I have spent more than my fair share of time in the valley. Fortunately, I have also spent some awesome times at the peaks as well as some a lot of climbing times either up or down.
The valley can be so dark. There are shadows at every turn. While there can be safety and shelter from the storms and heat of the day, there is also a very limited view. There is only so far that you can go before you hit a barrier or you aren’t able to see where you are going because the mountains are on either side of you. You can also be trapped in a valley for anyone who would want to attack from the top.
When you’re going through really rough times or trying to sort through those rough times to come to terms with them, it’s hard to see past all the pain and confusion. It is so important to work through the pain in life and come out on the other side having learned from the experience and, hopefully, come out better for it.
The thing is, if you stay in the valleys all the time, not wanting to climb out because it is what you know, you get very comfortable. Life can be ok in the valley. If you stay where you’re comfortable and with what you know, you can still make a difference in the world and you can have a good life. God may even tell you to spend some time in the valley. But, what if you started a trip up the mountains, maybe even just for a vacation? What if you decided to see what was on the other side? You may not even decide to go down the other side, but what could you possibly see that could change your direction and even bring joy to you and others?
When I have made it to the tops of hills, dunes and even mountains, the views are usually breathtaking. From the top, you can see amazing sunrises and sunsets, whole landscapes of scenery and even places you’d like to visit or an adventure you’d like to take. Dreams can begin or come true at the top of the mountain. While we can’t always live on the mountaintop, we all do reach it many times in our lives. You feel a sense of freedom, hope and achievement at the top. It’s like the whole world is at your feet and the opportunities are endless.
However, we mostly live in the trips up and down the mountain. This is where we work towards achieving our goals, raise our children, focus on our careers, build our homes, start a ministry and so on. There’s a lot of work involved in coming up and down the mountain. You run into a lot of obstacles, experience so many new sights and sounds as well as make camp and live during the journey.
Beauty and purpose can be found in all of the areas of the journey. Even the hard times can bring such beauty. At this point, I hope to show all these aspects to anyone who has gotten stuck in the valley and wants to reach the mountaintop. I also want to help others realize they can discover their dream and the purpose(s) for which they’ve been put on this earth. I am on this journey now and chronicling the positives and negatives that take me closer to where He wants me. I hope to pass along the lessons learned along the way so, maybe, it will be easier for others along their journey.
False Guilt
Since the one I loved died, I have experienced and tried to sort through so many emotions and feelings. I do this in the hope of getting to a point of healing and understanding where I can finally move forward with my life. It is hard work. I can understand where most of these come from and have, at least, started the healing process or have finally come to terms with them. However, I have had one feeling that I really don’t understand and I don’t know what to do with it. I have labeled it as guilt. I have felt the guilt that suicide brings to survivors where I ask how I could have done things differently and so on, but this feeling of guilt is entirely different.
Let me explain. Two months after the one I loved committed suicide, a sweet friend of mine found out she had leukemia. I was stricken. I couldn’t believe it and was in shock like everyone else. I went to the hospital to see her as soon as I was able. She smiled, like she always did, and we visited with each other and the other visitors in her room.
I felt so sad for her and her family having to go through this illness with all its unknowns and fears that go with fighting it. She had a huge amount of support and prayers were going up for her so, so often. She was a beautiful woman both inside and out. I had a very strong protective feeling towards her. I also had so much hope that she would come through this and fully regain her health.
The problem was that I also felt utter and complete guilt over the fact that she had to endure this illness and fight for her life when the one I loved had just thrown his life away. My friend went through horrible treatments to fight her cancer for about 18 months but the cancer just kept coming back. It finally took her life on August 20, 2011.
She fought so hard to live and stay with her family and friends and the one I loved did whatever he had to do to get away from everyone and throw his life away. I just couldn’t grasp why she had to get the cancer when she wanted so, so much to stay and live her life to the fullest. Every time I saw her, I had this hesitation thinking that I had to be a cold reminder of a life thrown away. I would wonder if I was causing them pain in some way. It is an awful feeling and the hardest part was that I didn’t understand why I was feeling this way. I never had any indication at all that they felt this way and I’m sure they didn’t. She would have probably been upset if she had known I felt this way and would have done what she could to make sure I knew that I was wrong.
But the guilt continued. I remember so clearly how hard it was when I went to see her for the last time, a few days before she lost her battle. She was in hospice care at her home and wasn’t communicating, but I was able to sit on the bed with her and stroke her hair. I even had a few moments when her mother-in-law left the room and I was able to speak freely to her to tell her how much I loved her and was going to miss her. Then, I was given a rare gift when her mother-in-law came back in and told me that my friend was responding with facial expressions to some things I was saying. She even opened her eyes as I was leaving to go. They weren’t fully open but she watched me as I went back to her and stroked her hair telling her over and over that I loved her. She, then, closed her eyes and I left.
That interaction showed me that she didn’t think these things I felt. It was such a blessing, but it doesn’t seem to make a difference with this feeling. As I sit here typing this, tears are rolling down my cheeks. I can’t think of her for too long without the tears coming. I want to be able to remember her with smiles and laughter but this guilty feeling always comes.
Then I realized, while listening to an audio book recently, that I feel this guilty feeling strongly when I hear about or think about anyone fighting for his or her life or suffering a loss after struggle. In this book, there was a little boy who was dying as he was waiting for a heart. The tears started and I had a hard time getting them to stop. Then that feeling came over me. This boy in the story wasn’t even a real life and that guilty feeling was overwhelming. Later, I listened to another book where a couple found out their unborn baby had a disability. It took me back to friends who were told that their unborn child would not live past his birth. After he was born, I was given the opportunity to serve them by bringing some items they wanted to the hospital. I was also able to hold this beautiful child that was born straight into Heaven. The loss his family felt was palpable. I also knew the struggle and prayers they had during the pregnancy. As I thought of this precious child and his parents, my friends, I felt that guilt again.
“GUILT ISN’T ALWAYS A RATIONAL THING…GUILT IS A WEIGHT THAT WILL CRUSH YOU WHETHER YOU DESERVE IT OR NOT”
Maureen Johnson
I can’t explain it. I honestly can’t put words to why I’m feeling this way but it is strong and it is a deep, deep hurting wound. I know I don’t understand why some are given every opportunity at life and an abundant one and they choose to throw it away while others fight and battle to the end for their life and for the lives of their loved ones and they lose those battles. I also realize this guilt is a false guilt. I had nothing to do with these losses, was praying so hard for there to be miracles and for their lives to be saved. So, why was and am I so assaulted with these untrue feelings?
At one point, one person asked me if I knew that the one I loved had planned to commit suicide and didn’t try to stop him (this was after a previous attempt on his life). I couldn’t believe the question was ever asked nor could I believe the idea had ever crossed their mind or been entertained, but it was an almost immediate question after being told of the suicide attempt. I wonder if this plays into the feeling sometimes. Was I such a horrible person that this thought could even come to mind or did this person just care so little about me that they never got to know me? I would have done anything to stop him from committing suicide at any time, but I wondered if this question was something someone else has thought. Since this person thought I could so easily let a life be taken then maybe I was seen as a representation of a life thrown away to others. It sounds insane even as I type it, but to be accused of letting someone take their life when I was trying to save it confused me and it makes me wonder how people really see me.
The fact is that I really have no idea why I am experiencing these feelings. Maybe I never will. Evidently, finding this answer will have to be part of the journey I am on.
Suicide: A Story From a Survivor
Suicide: A Story from a Survivor
By Joanna Lynn
A little over five years ago, my husband committed suicide. It was the hardest single experience I have ever gone through. Unfortunately, the aftermath has been even worse. Suicide has to be one of the worst ways a person can die. The main reason for this is because of how the person who dies leave the survivors, those who love them most. They are left with so many questions:
What could I have done to stop him?
Why weren’t we enough?
What could bring him/her to do this?
Did I do or not do something to make him do this?
There are also the feelings that just won’t go away. There is depression, guilt, shame, broken hearts and so many more. It’s a confusing and horrible way to leave those in your life. It takes whatever feelings you are feeling and places them firmly and fully onto the shoulders of those who cared and loved you through everything. It is so important for survivors to know that you are not responsible for what they chose to do. They are the ones who took the steps to end their life, not you. At times, it’s very hard to accept this as truth, but it is truth.
When Children are Involved
The situation only gets harder when children are involved. I have two boys. When their dad died, it was within weeks of both of their birthdays. This was terrible for them. They both asked why he killed himself right before their birthdays. It was painful to watch. I was left to try to explain something to two children, aged 8 and 11 on this particular birthday, which I didn’t even understand. Most of the time I just honestly said I didn’t know. I made sure to never discount their questions or feelings. I knew if I was confused they had to be even more. One thing I was sure to say numerous times about their dad’s decision was that he made the wrong choice. Even though I couldn’t make sense of much of it for myself or for them, I wanted to be sure they knew that suicide wasn’t ever the right answer.
My oldest really struggled for the first month, but he then was able to come to terms with the idea that his dad made a choice and he was gone. There wasn’t anything he could do about it even though he wished he had chosen to stay. My youngest still struggles, to some point, to this day. It has been horrible. There were so many nights, for several years, when I would be walking by his door and he would yell something and then come out crying asking me why he had to go or saying he really missed his daddy. It absolutely broke my heart and anger would often come towards my husband for doing this to his family, for seemingly not caring what it did to us. I never could comfort my son without tears of my own streaming down my face.
The Aftermath
Over the years, I finally came to the conclusion that I would probably never fully understand or be able to wrap my mind around what my husband had done. However, both fortunately and very unfortunately, I discovered some information that gave me some of the reasons he felt he would rather die than face the consequences of the choices he had made during his life. It has been awful. I’m not going to sugarcoat the feelings. It has been horrific and so often I didn’t know if I was going to make it through it all. It was only by the grace of God and His walking me through not only day-by-day but on so many of those days, breath by breath. I say that it was somewhat fortunate I found out some reasons because there are so many survivors who don’t get any clues. The person is just gone. My husband also left a suicide note, which others do not always get. A suicide note is helpful to know the state of mind the person was in right before they died. I was able to see what was on his mind as to why he thought he had to do what he did. However, it doesn’t make it easier at all in the long run. One positive was that he addressed some comments made in our marriage that had been rather hurtful, which I never would have heard if not for the note. But when the words came after he had run away from the circumstances of his choices and left me to pick up the pieces of the fallout, the words meant very little. I have often thought they were only said so that he could “someday be just a fond memory” as he stated in his suicide note. A note written at the scene of the crime is only evidence of the tragedy left behind.
Where my story is concerned, there were different people who were mourning the loss of my husband, but they needed to do so in very different ways than I did. Since they didn’t know what information I had found, their grief was only of the person they had lost. That didn’t decrease the importance of their loss in comparison to mine; it just wasn’t nearly as complicated. It also made it impossible to keep the relationship intact. Because they didn’t want to know any of the bad, they made it a rule that I really couldn’t speak of my grief. It got to the point where I couldn’t even mention my husband’s name without someone quickly changing the subject before I finished or getting up to leave without hearing what I had to say. I wasn’t even saying anything bad about him. I was just telling a story or memory from my time with him. But, because they knew I had very different feelings towards him than they did, they didn’t want to hear from me about my husband. It felt like I was doing something very wrong by not just being sad while remembering with a smile the times we had had together. That wasn’t something I could do.
I was also told many times by several of the people involved that I needed to respect how they needed to grieve no matter what they did, while my grief was bound by rules that I could not break. What they required of me so their loss would be easier only put my grief and feelings on hold. I pushed them back so I could function, follow their requirements and still be fully available to whoever needed me. This just made me put up walls around my grief that I’m still trying to figure out how to break down. It became a relationship I couldn’t continue if I was going to not only survive this loss, but especially if I wanted to heal and move on with my life in a healthy way. Don’t allow anyone to discount your feelings. You have to work through what you’re feeling and be honest about it.
I know others have had similar experiences as well as ones I didn’t have because there are so many survivors of suicide. I have researched many aspects of suicide over the years in an effort to try to make sense of something that made no sense. I found that over 40,000 Americans commit suicide every year. It is listed as the 10th leading cause of death in the US when considering people of all ages. It is the 2nd leading cause of death for those 18-25 years of age. There are around 4.5 million survivors of suicide. That is staggering. This one act causes so much pain for so many. The act starts with one person but the number of people it really affects grows exponentially. One doctor told me another statistic I needed to be aware of, especially with my children. He told me that the chances of survivors committing suicide are increased dramatically. The reason for this is because the idea of suicide as a choice for “resolving” problems in life becomes very real. They’ve experienced it. My heart sank.
But what are the reasons for suicide? They are many and varied. The leading reason for suicide is mental disorders including depression, bipolar, psychosis, etc. After speaking to several doctors in the medical and mental health field, without ever asking for the information, I was told by three of them that it sounded very much like my husband had been bipolar. This cleared a few things up about the past but it also left me with major feelings of guilt because now I wondered if he was somehow not accountable anymore for the choices he had made in his life and our marriage. But, as I was told, he knew what he was doing wasn’t right and he did whatever he wanted to do anyway. He had no desire to seek professional help. He was more concerned about appearances than getting the necessary help to change the choices he was making.
But no matter the reason, suicide is never the answer. It causes no good. The wasteland is vast and it doesn’t care who someone is, his or her status, economic standing or age. When thoughts of suicide are just beginning to be entertained, you need to seek help immediately. Suicide is a very isolating experience. In my opinion and from what I have read and heard, it is a self-centered act where all that matters at the moment is what the person is going through with little or no thought to how it will hurt those around them. I have a cousin who attempted suicide and when she was asked how she could do that to her children, she said that she didn’t even think of her children or anybody. She just wanted the pain to stop. I have heard this thought echoed in the media by others who have made failed attempts. A number of people, like my cousin, are going through a horrible experience and they are struggling to survive that one moment in time. But these times are only temporary. Things do change and life can and almost always will get better over time.
Even when the problems are medical, there is still hope. There is always treatment, medicine, therapy, a change in lifestyles, etc. In most cities, you can even find these services free of charge or at a greatly discounted rate. New jobs are found or created for those suffering job loss. Relationships heal or new ones form in time. Fights are resolved. Treatment is there for those addicted to drugs and alcohol. And even when there are criminal issues, there is still hope for restitution and purpose. All you need to do is reach out and be willing to do the work. Nothing is impossible. God made each and every one of us with a purpose and a future and He numbers our days. He works through any choices we make and is there to carry and walk with us through the healing process. Friends and family will gather around you and help you find the help you need, be available to talk and will support you through it all.
My boys and I started seeing counselors within a month of the suicide. My oldest has handled this without a lot of problems, so he hasn’t had to return to anyone. My youngest has been to see several counselors over the years. I have continued seeing my counselor and am on several medications to help with depression. I also have family and friends who are there for me when I need them. This is what works for me. I’ve tried other forms of therapy, support groups and reading books, but they just weren’t the right fit. For me, while they helped me realize some areas of hurt and the way I had handled and processed them as well as how I have taken those not so healthy learned experiences and still apply them to my life today, they weren’t comfortable and they caused me to be very anxious. But that doesn’t mean they won’t work for you. I know quite a few people where support groups made all the difference in the world. Others find that their family and friends’ support is all they needed to get through it.
The biggest problem in healing for me, though, is that there was so much more than the suicide to work through. Everything I thought had been my life wasn’t reality. I had to deal with the feelings surrounding the information I had discovered, while learning to run a house by myself, how to get everyone where they needed to be, since I was now the only driver, while also being a newly single mother with two hurting kids. I was, and still am to some degree, experiencing all the feelings of anger, hurt, sadness, betrayal, abandonment and having no value. My entire life was rewritten after his suicide and the information coming to light. Nothing I thought about my life could ever be looked at the same way again and some had to be blown apart totally because they weren’t real. There are really complex issues I need to sort through and it’s hard, hard work. However, I am already seeing and experiencing the outcome of my hard work. My life and feelings means something.
Both of my boys also found a lot of solace in going to an organization called Brooke’s Place. It is a place where, a couple times a month, kids can get together to talk about the loss of someone close to them that they have lost. Parents also meet, if they choose. It is a place where you don’t have to feel alone in your loss. Suicide is not only isolating for the victims but the survivors as well. The kids were able to see that they weren’t the only kids who had lost a parent. This was one of the main reasons my oldest was able to get through the loss of his dad easier. For him, being the only person he knew going through this at his age was something he couldn’t sort through his mind. We attended for 2.5 years and it made all the difference for him. My youngest benefitted from it a lot as well. Look to see if this type of organization is available in your area if you are a survivor of suicide and have children. I can’t say enough good things about this organization.
Don’t Give Up
Life is beautiful and it is worth fighting for and living. I cling to God’s promises to help me. He says in Jeremiah 29:11: “I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope”. The next few verses after this one tell us that if we seek Him we will find Him and He will gather us where He wants us to be in our promised land. The thought of God loving us so fully that all we have to do is seek Him with our hearts and we will not only find Him, but He will gather us up and release us from captivity. This can be any captivity. Anything that is holding us in a place that isn’t good, He can save us from it.
Always remember that you are never alone. NEVER. There is always at least one person on earth that is there for you and many places to work through the issues in your life. This is true for those contemplating suicide as well as survivors of suicide. Fight for life. Hold on to Hope. Look past the experiences of today and know that you have so much to offer this world. You were put here for a purpose and it is worth anything you have to do to fight for your life and win.
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